Sonntag, 15. Juli 2012

Shaking Canes At King - A Review





Oooooohboyohboyboyboy. Where do I start. 
First of all: why do I write this review? Because I'm so so tired of Stephen King and how he's ruining great stuff.

I was born to be a nerd. Being a bookseller, my mom introduced me to a few key ingredients of nerd culture. After all, I was named after a character from Frank Herbert's "Dune" for fucks sake. I grew up watching "Star Trek", "Babylon5" and lots and lots of awesome films like "Ghostbusters" and "The Little Shop Of Horrors". I was introduced very early to those vital parts of my nowaday life and I have very fond memories of watching those programs with my mom. One of those programs was Lars von Trier's "RIGET" (english: "The Kingdom").

As a child, I was frightened and terrified by the weirdness and it caused me to develop an irrational fear of riding elevators (SPOILERS). So one could say it had a massive impact on my life. And whilst I forgot most of it during puberty, I grew fond of it again after watching it as an adult with a thing for weird horror. (Coincidence? I think not.) 


The source material

First of all, what the fuck is "RIGET"?
"RIGET" was created and written by Lars von Trier specifically for television.


The Plot. Wikipedia sums it up pretty nicely: 

"The series is set in the neurosurgical ward of Copenhagen's Rigshospitalet, the city and country's main hospital, nicknamed "Riget". "Riget" means "the realm" or "the kingdom" and leads one to think of "dødsriget", the underworld and realm of the dead. (In norse mythology: Hel or Helheim - dødsrige. It's basically the afterlife), The show follows a number of characters, both staff and patients, as they encounter bizarre phenomena, both human and supernatural. The show is notable for its wry humor, its muted sepia colour scheme, and the appearance of a chorus of dishwashers with Down Syndrome who discuss in intimate detail the strange occurrences in the hospital."

 Lars von Trier (Yes, THE von Trier) director of "Dancer in the Dark", "Dogville" and more recently "Antichrist" and "Melancholia", directed "RIGET" as well . He is well-known as an arthouse-director and for being BATSHIT INSANE while being more or less sucessful with it. And the dude has an amazing sense of humor. "RIGET" is much adored amongst (european) fans of the genre -which would be "obscure scandinavian horror-comedy"- and well known for being inspired by David Lynch's masterpiece "Twin Peaks". And despite being a miniseries, it appears as one of the 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die
Also, one of the main reasons for me to love "RIGET" is the German actor Udo "FUCK YEAH" Kier. 
Any fellow aficianados of strange and obscure films might know him from movies like  Andy Warhol's Frankenstein (1973) or Andy Warhol's Dracula (1974). More recent (and bloody awesome): Iron Sky (2012).

If you're living in the UK or the US chances are high that you might've come across the "edited" five-hour movie series, rather than the original 8-episode-format that you would have seen in europe.

The first four episodes (aka the first season) ended without answering numerous questions, and in 1997 the cast reassembled to produce the second season, consisting of another set of four episodes. 
This second series ended with even more questions unanswered than the first, and a third series was planned. However, due to the death of several actors in 1998  the likelihood of a third series is now very remote. 
Von Trier actually wrote the third and final season, but the production was not picked up by DR (the original channel: Danmarks Radio). At that point, five regular cast members had died and it seemed impossible to continue the series. The abandoned scripts were sent to the producers of Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital, but it is unclear whether they used the scripts or not.


Kingdom Hearts eerr...Hospital

That's right, Stephen King wrote an adaption of "RIGET" for american television called "Kingdom Hospital" which premiered on ABC in may 2004. If you like to watch TV as much as I do, you might've stumbled upon this little "gem". And oh boy what a shitfest. 
It is pretty much known amongst former Stephen King-fans, that "the master" has become somewhat "crazy" in his "doings". In the first run, I couldn't even watch the first episode of "Kingdom Hospital" without twitching uncontrollably. 


Why? 
First of all, King is an egomaniac who got too big for his own boots and is also more self-absorbent than a sponge. Need proof? 
  • Whilst  Peter Rickman is jogging, we can see him wearing a sweatshirt with a  "Little Tall" print on it. The island Little Tall is where King's "Dolores" and "Storm of the Century" take place.
  • Peter Rickman's accident at the beginning of the series is suspiciously  similar to an accident King had himself in 1999, in which he was hit and  heavily injured by a car.
  • The ambulance that saves him has the number 19 which holds a big role in King's "The Dark Tower"
  • Many of the characters, places and incidents are named using wordplay. For example, one of the nurses is called Carrie von Trier (a combination of King's bestseller-protagonist Carrie from "Carrie" -duh- and Lars von Trier)
  • Many characters read Stephen King-novels as the story progresses. For instance: Peter Rickman is reading "Misery" whilst being on his sickbed. 
  • The hospital-janitor, called Johnny B. Goode (OH GOD WHY) is never on duty and always substituted by someone else. Until the very end, when Johnny finally appears in person. And then he is played by Stephen King himself. 
  • The names of the three characters who have contact to the spirit world (Peter Rickman, Mary Jensen, and Paul Morlock) together form the name of the band  Peter, Paul and Mary. (That's actually awesome)                                  
  • On the beverage vending machine which can be seen in several episodes, the name printed on there is "Nozz-a-la", a  fictitious cola-brand which is also often used in "The Dark Tower"
And now, the thing that takes the cake for me:
  • The german shepherd of securityman Otto is called Blondi and therefore bears the same name as Hitler's *coughcough* faithful companion and also speaks with a german accent. 
Seriously folks. How douchy can one writer be.
Second of all, the stories are just not as good as the original. They seem forced and blend and simply don't have the cheeky and weird humor the danish original had.

Another big thing that bugs me: the characters are not believable. For example he guy who hits Peter with his car straight at the beginning is a perfect example of a stereotype I call "written douche". You don't like him, but the screenplay doesn't give you any chance to like him anyway. King always had some good talent for building suspense and creating a good setting, tension and atmosphere, but the payoffs are his greatest weakness.

Then the design."Welcome to Vampire: The Masquerade. The Hospital". 
Most. Unfitting. Logo. EVER.  (see above) Seriously, They put that thing on the frontside of the hospital.
Strangely enough, the program won several awards, 2 Emmy's in 2004, for title design and SPFX). 
Lars von Trier is credited as an executive producer in the american version.


The original Danish opening        The American version    


(Ok ok, I'll admit, the american version of the intro is also nice. It'sdifferent, but is has some cool aspects to it, except for a few nagging details)


Stephen King - The Drinking Game  (WE ALL FLOAT)

Wanna drink yourself into a coma like the mandatory alcoholic character in any King story
"Oh good god man! That's been known to KILL people!"
I introduce to you, the Stephen King Drinking Game, according to the ever awesome Nostalgia Critic. 


I do this to prove a point. King has become incredibly repetitive and unimaginative. And if you've ever read more than one King novel, you know exactly what I am talking about. 

So, on with it. Here is the plot of "Kingdom Hospital".
(Again, thanks to Wikipedia I don't have to summarize this shitfest) 

"The story tells of the fictional Kingdom Hospital located in Lewiston, Maine (SHOT), built on the site of a mill that manufactured military uniforms during the American Civil War. Previously, a hospital known as the "Old Kingdom" had been built on the site, but it burned down. The current hospital is known as the "New Kingdom". The hospital's "turbulent" nature seems to reflect its ominous logo, a crimson stylized dagger, predicting what will come. (SHOT just because it's ridiculous)
A psychic named Mrs. Druse has checked into the hospital numerous times and is taken by the staff to be a hypochondriac. She asks for the assistance of Dr. Hook to uncover the truth about the hospital and the mysterious spirits who haunt it — including a young girl, killed after the original fire; a sinister teenage boy (SHOT) ; and a strange animal that follows and protects the young girl she calls Antubis (you know, Anubis and Anteater DOUBLE SHOT because horrible wordplay and it's never explained where it came from), who is similar to a giant anteater, whose long snout opens up to a horrifying set of jagged teeth.

(EDIT: After some research, I found out what the anteater-thingie is supposed to be. It's sugested that the thing is the god of the dead Anubis and takes whichever form his "protégés" can handle. It which case, the little girl chose an anteater. She is also unable to to speak out his name correctly or realise what or who he is, hence the weird name. Still quite a stretch I believe.) 
Elsewhere, Peter Rickman, a painter (SHOT) who is admitted to the hospital following a road accident (with severe injuries to his skull and spine) begins to discover the ghastly goings-on while he lies comatose in room 426.
Other subplots included the initiation of arrogant chief of surgery Dr. Stegman into the secret society known as the 'Keepers', and the challenged-at-every-turn flirtation between young Dr. Elmer Traff and sleep doctor Lona Massingale. (SHOT because again, ridiculous.)
The series is known for its tangential plots and characters who recur throughout, it is—as King called it—a "novelization for television". 
  • SHOT for a disappointing or anti-climactic payoff at the end
  • SHOT (important!) whenever you spot a reference to the original
  • SHOT if the story ties in to The Dark Tower series (A Toast to The Turtle!)
  • SHOT for something that's supposed to be scary, but just ends up ungodly stupid or funny (*twitch* Blondi...)
  • SHOT for a Crappy, Unfaithful or Disappointing King-Television rendition of an otherwise good story 
  • And 1 final SHOT just in case we may have forgotten anything.  


The Conclusion

I adore gothic horror fiction. Lovecraft, Poe and alike have always been a huge passion of mine. And King obviously tries to be some kind of a new-age Lovecraft and fails horribly while doing so. 
It is sad, because he really used to be a good (decent) writer. And let's be honest people, he'll never be "the" new Lovecraft. 
If you've read Lovecraft and know the basic structure of his stories, check out Stephen King's "N" and you'll know what I mean. It's an ok animated comic (with an obvious ending to anyone who knows "Call of Cthulhu")
If you're on the lookout for a good King parody, I also recommend watching Garth Marenghi's Darkplace.


If you're interested in the material reviewed, please please please consider watching the Danish original first. It's so much better, trust me. 


Take care, fellow fanboys and -girls.
CK

Mittwoch, 28. März 2012

Oh Art-School

What I should be doing

What I do instead



Montag, 26. März 2012

Doodledooo

And that's how boredom looks in my book. Ignore futtbugly handwriting, I'm trying to prove a point here. Don't let me get bored or I will draw nerdy shit on everything you own.










Sonntag, 25. März 2012

Snowwhite + WIP


I thought you guys might enjoy to see how the process goes with my artwork.
So that's how I roll! :)Have fun and enjoy yourselves. (But not too much.)





Step one is sketching. I like that part.
Most of the time I work on the sketch until I like it.





















Step two is inking. I don't like it that much. Most difficult part for me. So much can go wrong here. Often the ink sucks up most of the dynamics and life of the original sketch it seems...
This time I was satisfied.









Step three. Scan that Motherfucker. Fuck with the levels in PS until satisfied and clean Lineart. Then, Color Select and put Lineart on sepperate Layer. Set on Multiply.











Step four. COLOOORRRR. Best part.
I work with sepperate layers as well. My usual layer-setting (for the complex coloring) is:
ink - multiply
highlights - normal
lighter - lighter color
light - lighter color
dark - darker color
darkest - darker color or multiply
flats - muliply
and a white canvas







Then, play with shadows, gaussian blur, textures and alike for background pleasures. Add background and signum and we are ready to annoy other people online.

Aaaand finally, the finnished result:



Fun Fact: This picture is a remake of an old drawing of mine. So there ya go! Fun comparison.

I consider this progress. *shudder* Oh god the anatomy...Kill it with fire!!




Don't touch yourself too much.

CK


Something to think about

Today, I came across a quote by Mother Teresa. I'm not christian, not even slightly religious, I might be considered as an Atheist even, but nonetheless. It made me think.

People are often unreasonable, illogical and selfcentered.
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you.
Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight.
Build anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough.
Give them your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and god;
it never was between you and them anyway.

Mother Teresa.


There are times, when I feel I have have accomplished nothing in life, being a burden to my loved ones and even for myself. But THAT makes me overthink it allover. Even from a non-religious-point of perspective, there is a lot of wisdom and truth in those words.

We should be grateful for what we have and stop being whiny bitches. I believe, if someone is giving his or her best, there is nothing to feel ashamed or bad about. In a sense of "I gave the world my best and they are not satisfied. Fuck it, it's not me who's being greedy here."
Alas, there are worse places to be on the world.

YOU NEED TO ENJOY YOUR LIFE MORE!

I often have to force myself to remember the most basic principles, and that is one of them.
Stop worrying so much and enjoy being young, for fuck's sake.


Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.

Dalai Lama



That was rather deep for a change. Back to First World Problems and Cartoons after the break.

Take care,

CK

Samstag, 3. März 2012

lvl: _99_

Young ladies, take notes.

Cersei

Made that bitch some fanart. Bitches love Fanart.

Moi 2012

Still the same ol' cup of coffee. Now and then replaced by a can of rocketfuel.

01100010 01101111 01101111 01100010 01110011

yeah... about that.




Yeah... I'm a weird fuck with weird hobbies.

Mittwoch, 15. Februar 2012

"Schrödingers Cat" or: TO THE FRIENDZONE, ROBIN!!

NanananananananananaFRIENDZONE

Schrödingers Cat is a nice metaphore for dating. The feeling of not knowing if this thing is alive and breathing, or just a dead, lifeless puddle of hummus dripping on the floor can be nice. But sometimes reality is just disappointing.
At some point, you've might came across said puddle of hummus.
It happens to almost everybody at some point in life. And it happened to me recently, so I came to think about it.

After several occasions I have come to the conclusion that the friendzone just doesn't simply exist. It exists on several layers.
There are some counter-theories like the "Ladder-Theory", it mainly tells us that males have one ladder while females have two. A male places females upon his one ladder ranking how much or how little he wants to have sex with her.
Females have two ladders: the "friend ladder" and the "potential ladder". If a male who is situated upon the friend ladder attempts to jump onto the potential ladder, he will fall into the great abyss and struggle to climb back onto the friend ladder.

While the "Ladder-Theory" is very true in in a lot of ways, the infamous friendzone consists of many stages and all of them are hard to get out of, potentially rising in difficulty depending on how deep you are in.


1. Friendzoned after first contact
  • Friendzoned after the first date. It's not so bad in terms of "friendzoning". Just forget that douche/bitch and move on.
2. Plain friendzoned
  • friendzoned after dating a few times, not getting to third base. Well, it can be hard, depending on how much feelings evolved over the short period of time.
3.Friendzoned after fucking
  • AFTER getting to third base (even if you slept together for a few times). Well, he/she was obviously just in for the poon. Pretty bad, concerning the fact that a lot of girls only sleep with men when they have feelings for them.
4. Friendzoned after long contact
  • Very, very painful. You've probably waited a long time to confess your feelings or been in an quasi-relationship with someone who can't commit.. Being dumped at that point is devastating and painful. Grab some Vodka and a giant Jar of Ben&Jerry's, you deserve it...
5.The Safety Zone
  • Let's just say, it's bad. He/She can't imagine anything other than an amazing, platonic Bro-Relationship. Get some canopeners, they're on discount at IKEA. You'll need them for the next Champions-League-Season.
6.The Korean Demilitarized Friendzone
  • "You're like the brother I never had!" Instant cock-block. Not even a hint of hormones. Break into a medical research facility to steal some hormones or sob quitely everytime he/she tells you about how great they are getting along with their crush. Who is SO not you.
7.The seventh circle of hell. Dante was right.
  • I'll pray for you.
8. Regret Zone.
  • There is no way out of there. That's eternal. Saying "Let's just stay friends!" at this point is like saying "Oh hey look the dog died. But we can keep the body." You were friends. Might even been a "Besties-Pinkyswear-Thing". You have dated, there were feelings but they remained unrequited. You've talked about it, decided to stay friends and never ever talked about "that thing that happened". It's there and it creeps arround everytime you do something together. If it was you that got friendzoned, you cry on the inside while smiling on the outside. The wound just festers and rots and stinks and you are suffering. Just drink yourself to a coma.
That's about it for my collected thoughts about the friendzone. Take care, have a jar of B&J's ready and tell me what you think.

From first hand and living proof that even girls get friendzoned,

CK